Wednesday, May 31, 2006

not on my watch...

While strange, MOI and I occasionally head out to Colma to visit the graves of our grandparents, old friends from the same San Francisco neighborhood. This past Monday, MOI hit Holy Cross Cemetery solo and reported back on his findings.
“The fake flower bandit has struck again.”
On our first visit to the graves, over 3 years ago, I was appalled and dismayed to find fake flowers adorning my grandparents’ grave. No one in MY family would ever consider leaving some kind of plastic floral monstrosity and defile the final resting place of our beloved Bob and Ang. Even MOI was flummoxed and enraged as we stood there marveling at the blue roses with fake dew drops.
“Who the hell would do this?”
“You have no idea?”
“No, Ryan. I have no idea.”
We found this highly suspect, especially as the fake flower bandit struck time and time again, with crappy Easter adornments or tacky Christmas junk. MOI’s grandparent’s graves (Joanne and Burt) maintained a manicured and oft tended to subtle memorial, but some stranger keeps piling their Wallgreen’s bargain bin sale items onto MY Nonie and Da.
Needless to say, we’ve spent many hours knocking back cocktails and hotly debating the identity of the faker flower bandit. We’ve certainly got our theories, as after the death of my Nonie, my 6’2” former cop grandfather became the Marina Distirct’s hottest geriatric commodity. Wisely, he hooked up with MOI’s Grandma Joanne and for the next 10 years, they were inseparable. Upon the death of both Da and Grandma Joanne, the Spots/MOI gravesite visits began and thus the discovery of the fake flower bandit.
MOI is convinced it’s a denied little old lady, some blue hair still pining for Bob and livid that Grandma Joanne snatched him up. Considering MOI’s extensive career in the military, after Memorial Day’s addition of hot pink plastic petunias and a weathered American flag, we only have one remaining option.
I wonder if there are some kind of cemetery restrictions on a 24 hour camouflaged stakeout…