Monday, April 24, 2006

we keep the knives in the kitchen, keith...

We all watch Seinfeld, right? Otherwise, how the hell would I know who Keith Hernandez is? Well, now he’s the announcer for the Metz* and I’m going to need to beat down his mustached ass for his recent comments a Metz/Padres game. Apparently, after Rock and Jocker Mike Piazza hit a home run, Mike exchanged high fives with everyone in the dugout, including the female massage therapist, aptly named Kelly.

Hernandez, upon seeing this, responded OUT LOUD, “Who is the girl in the dugout with the long hair? What's going on here? You have got to be kidding me. Only player personnel in the dugout…I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout."

I know these guys exist in the world. I encounter them from time to time, like when I find myself in Tahoe or at a lesser Home Depot. These are the kind of guys who have Sears siding on their homes and will only discipline their male children. These are the kind of guys who don’t know their wives’ middle names and think this whole acceptance of homosexuality is getting a little out of hand. These are the kind of guys who get kicked out of Little League games and make passes at waitresses. They mingle among us, occasionally blending in but they always reveal their true identity by having bushy mustaches and wearing shorts to restaurants.
Wait until Elaine Benice hears about this shit…

* I don't know when Alex and Big C. lost their touch, but Mike has just informed me that Metz is actually spelled Mets. He thought I was making a joke. Nope. But my boys are slipping. Metz, Metz, Metz. I like it better anyway...

1 comment:

A.P.S. said...

"Metz" are ya kiddin me?! Your nutz cuz you zpell thingz with Z'z! Zo anyway I cant wait to zee you zo zoon! Luv Alecz!