My chakras are officially screwed again. I crashed last night at Judy's and nearly ran over her gardener on my way to work this morning. Now gingerly driving, I booked it up the hill to the freeway. All of a sudden, a squirrel darted from the right side of the road directly in front of me. Seeming to change its mind mid-run, the squirrel made it most of the way across and then panicked. Within seconds, it swirled around back into the road directly into the path of my car.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”
I looked in my review mirror. Nothing. No dead squirrel in my wake. I kept driving, but I had a sneaking suspicion. My adrenaline rushing, I grabbed my cell phone.
“Michael! I just ran over a squirrel! I think its mangled body is trapped under my car!”
“What? Are you still driving?”
“Yes! I’m afraid to stop!”
“Oh my god, that’s awesome.”
“This is not awesome. I’m freaking out!”
“Pull over and look under your car.”
“Are you fucking nuts? No way!” I screamed as I pulled onto the freeway and sped up.
“Well, are you sure you ran over it. Squirrels are pretty fast.”
“Yes, I’m sure I ran over it! Jesus Christ!” All of a sudden, at 60 miles an hour, something dropped onto the freeway from the bottom of my car.
“Um, Mikey. I think it just fell off.”
“Are you serious? Yes! Oh man, that’s so gross.”
Relieved to be free of my second animal carcass of the week, I hung up on my chuckling roommate and headed to Starbucks. Carefully, I parked my car and exited Rhonda the Honda.
I delicately tiptoed around my car, looking for blood, guts or fluffy tails hanging from my suspension. Nope. All clear. I grabbed a latte and headed into work.
“Beth! How was your weekend?”
“Did you have fun at the spa?”
“Are you all fabulously relaxed?”
No. I’m not. I just killed a goddamn squirrel…