So, apparently I’ve been living a lie. We all have, actually. My hookup at CNN gave me the early scoop and I’ve been reading about it ever since.
Dog, Bounty Hunter will be marrying Beth this coming season.
Pardon me? One more time, please. Uh, what?
Anyone who’s watched Bounty Hunter assumed that Beth and Dog were married. My god, in the opening credits, each person is introduced by their relationship to Dog, ie; “Leland, Dog’s son.”
You know what it says for Beth? “Beth, Dog’s WIFE.”
Hello? What the hell is going on, people?
One would think that Dog, die-hard Christian ex-con that he is, would have long ago made an honest woman out of the mother of 2 of his 12 children. Mais non.
Let’s go to the man himself for a quote.
"I'm marrying my common-law wife, Beth, the Christian way, with a preacher and all that.”
Oh, but wait. It gets better. The guest list for the May 20th nuptials will include Danny Bonaduce, Wynonna Judd, and Hulk Hogan.
How do you say fabulous in Hawaiian? And I do I get an invite? Mother of God, I could die a happy woman. The wedding of Dog and Beth? Are you kidding me? I can’t even begin to imagine the armbands, the hair-dos, the ceremonial tattoos.
Seriously. I’m crashing this wedding. And I’m taking Big Chris. This is one of the rare occasions where I would need to look to him for white trash etiquette and protocol…
Oh, and PS. We all know what premiere’s tonight at 9, right? I’ll give you a hint.
“It doesn’t say Tina on the bottle. It says Jonathan on the bottle. For a reason.”