I’m sure you’re all aware that my future spouse is currently cheating on me with a medication-hating, Amazonian, foreign Scientologist robot from a crappy TV show. Comparatively, I think I’m quite a catch and as soon as Gavin discovers that some women don’t have mechanical insides and weaves (yeah, I said it), he’s sure to dump Senora Eurotrash and return to his roots. I mean, seriously. What the hell happened in Gavin's childhood that makes him chase a collection of identical fembots, all of whom are, how do you say, not exactly Mensa material?
And now, because it’s so easy, a few quotes from Eurotrash’s website:
“Understanding and learn to express my self through the American sense of humor, having people find my accent "charming," appreciating a rootbeer float and marshmallows on yams for Thanksgiving or over hot chocolate, or watching the precision work that goes into putting it onto a stick and holding it over an open fire, and the wonders and variations of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, curly fries and drive through banking was my ticket to loving this country and all its freedoms.”
This is Gavin’s girlfriend, folks. Oh wait. It gets better.
“Some future day I will love to direct as well, to bring an imagination to Life and see a miracle of an artist blossom in front of me for the mere reason of having asked the right question and offered good guidance. That will be fun and very satisfying.”
You’ve got to be shitting me. More? Okay.
“I love representing and painting Women, because Women are smart and beautiful. Like a fascinating, resilient, never dying flower.Women never cease to amaze me as we have endless amounts of courage and potential, intelligence and strength not only for ourselves but also for all the men around us who seek our unpretentious strength through them. Women are men's greatest validation.”
And finally, because I almost didn’t hate her enough:
“Mostly I paint women and faces. I also used to freelance in Fashion design for women's clothing, which I started in my late teens while modeling for 10 years across the world for every top magazine you can name and designer you can think of. Hence my flair for clothes, though I would live in my birthdaysuit all day long if I could.”
Cue deportation proceedings…