Friday, March 24, 2006

a day in the life of gavin:

6:30-7:30: Jog through Presidio in black Prada athletic apparel while listening to Gorillaz on his iPod.

7:30-8:15: Shower and grooming, selection on morning business ensemble.

8:15-8:30: Hair product application.

8:30-9:30: “hanging out” with Larry Page and Sergey Brin at The Grove.

9:30-9:45: anonymously picks up litter on sidewalk.

9:45-10:30: Passes out umbrellas to hobos.

10:30-12:00: Affects positive city-wide, national and global change at his office in City Hall.

12:00-12:15: Reviews his favorite posts from my blog archives.

12:15-12:30: Uncomfortable phone call with Sophia Milos, who’s not getting the hint.

12:30-2:00: Lunch at the One Market with political advisors. Fellow diners overhear the following snippets, “Yeah, but does it HAVE to be Oval? And why the tacky crest on the rug? That shit’s gotta be redesigned before I even consider running. Call Stanlee.”

2:00-2:45: Opening of affordable housing complex/former crack den. Stops to talk to tweaker street person and inspires them to get clean.

2:45-3:30: Attends recital of 4th Grade’s re-enactment of the Zodiac killings. Starts the standing ovation.

3:30-4:00: Conference call with Divorce lawyers.

4:00-5:00: Oprah

5:00-5:45: Cocktails at Bix with Rick and Vincent, a gay couple he married and befriended. Agrees to pose for sidewalk photo with their new terrier, Kelly Barkson.

5:45-6:30: Heads home for meditation and sauna.

6:30-7:30: Evening apparel selection.

7:30-8:15: General grooming, hair product application and fragrance spritz (Gucci, Envy for Men), while listening to Matisyahu.

8:15-10:45: Dinner at supperclub with winners of Alice radio’s “Have dinner with the Mayor” contest. Tells charming stories while subtly looking at his Breitling.

10:45-12:00: Drinks with senior staff and groupies at Tosca. Makes fun of winners of Alice radio’s “Have dinner with the Mayor” contest.

12:00-12:30: Home for bubble bath and reading of Gandhi on NonViolence by Mohandas K. Gandhi.

12:30-1:00: Reads my blog and quietly chuckles.

1:00-1:15: Prayer.

1:15: Peaceful slumber, dreams of a better world for all of God’s children…and me.

16 comments:

sunshine said...

how do i tell her about beth?!

Bobby Teenager said...

God, Sophia's bright!

Spots said...

that one took me a second. I was like, "What the hell is J talking about?" Now, I get it. Eurotrash gives off a tacky glow...

Bobby Teenager's older brother said...

Or maybe it's the flash from another of her chessy-ass-photos-from-her-cheesy-ass-website and he's caught like a deer in headlights and can't do what her really needs to do...

...back slowly away, get out of Miami (or LA, or wherever she is)and start acting like an intelligent, tasteful man.

Anonymous said...

Your blog cracks me up. This post was brilliant.

Nihilistic said...

He's a night owl!

not so shiny sun said...

can you delete my original comment? you faked me out and now i sound like an idiot. thanks.

Spots said...

Anonymous: That's fabulous Thank you!

~and~

Bobby Teenager('s older brother): I'm desperate to find that poster somewhere online. I want to do a Pete and Bobby, separated at birth?

~and~

Sunshine: That was my master plan.
-moonshine

Anonymous said...

What's a Breitling?

Spots said...

I don't know what's more upsetting; your timepeice ignorance or your inability to click on a link...

Anonymous said...

Spots,

Is he still dating Sophia? He seems to have bad taste in women - first Kimberly and now the one with the big fake boobs. Maybe he's not good enough for you....

Spots said...

Blasphemy!

I have no idea. I've always suspected that he keeps an illeriterate, white-trash skank of questionable upbringing in some Tenderloin apartment which he then uses for cheap, late-night rendezvous(which I have no problem with), but I couldn't be sure. I think her whole Scientology, annoying accent, bad taste in floral prints finally got to him.

And by the way, Gavin is so good for me, it hurts sometimes...

Anonymous said...

Spots,

You are hilarious!! I don't know what you do for a living, but you could easily be a comedy writer. Thanks for keeping me entertained and I hope you do get a chance to get together with Gavin sometime.

Spots said...

If only I could spell illiterate.

Anonymous, I love you. I don't know what you do for a living but you could easily be a talent scout for Vanity Fair or Bravo.
Also, I promise that if I ever "get together" with Gavin, I will write about it IN DETAIL and include photographic evidence.
Pull out your dancing shoes, you're invited to the wedding...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the invitation, I will look forward to the wedding!!!!

micah said...

Yeah, Spots. What's your day job?