Friday, February 10, 2006

i still pick gavin, but...

I know I’m supposed to hate him. I hate his show, I hate his politics, I hate his wife. But my god, how I love Tucker Carlson.

I can’t help it. I’ve tried. Trust me.

It’s not just his WASPy, Kennedy-esque, screws-his-slutty-intern-in-the-supply-closet, Volvo vibe. It’s not just my adoration of anyone committed to success through a highly recognizable trademark, particularly varsity stripe bow-ties. It’s not even his uber-preppy, Rhode Island boarding school, frozen dinner fortune lineage.

It’s simply things like this:

"First of all, anybody with any ambition at all, or intelligence, has left Canada and is now living in New York. Second, anybody who sides with Canada internationally in a debate between the U.S. and Canada, say, Belgium, is somebody whose opinion we shouldn't care about in the first place. Third, Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice, but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada."

- Tucker Carlson on the December 15, 2005 edition of MSNBC's The Situation with Tucker Carlson.

"Without the U.S., Canada is essentially Honduras, but colder and much less interesting."

- Tucker Carlson on the November 30 2004 edition of CNN's Wolf Blitzer Reports.

"Here's the problem with telling Canada to stop criticizing the United States: It only eggs them on. Canada is essentially a stalker, stalking the United States, right? Canada has little pictures of us in its bedroom, right? Canada spends all of its time thinking about the United States, obsessing over the United States. It's unrequited love between Canada and the United States. We, meanwhile, don't even know Canada's name. We pay no attention at all."

- Tucker Carlson on the December 15, 2005 edition of MSNBC's The Situation with Tucker Carlson.

"Friendly as they generally are, Canadians have always made me uncomfortable. There's something a shade off about them. They remind me of the aliens in sci-fi movies who move about undetected among the human population until they're tripped up by some joke or colloquialism they haven't been programmed to understand."

- CNN host Tucker Carlson, from Chapter 1 of his book Politicians, Partisans, and Parasites.


Anonymous said...

you have very strange taste in men.

Sunset Boy said...

3 Questions:

1. Who is his wife?

2. When did he say that about Canada? That's pretty funny. (Canada=San Jose, New York=San Francisco)

3. Remember when Jon Stewart totally owned Tucker? I do! (in case you don't, here you are:


Jacynth said...

I'd like to know when/where he said that Canadian comment too. It's quite true, though. But what he should of added was that the cousin is an idiot savant and is a lot more talented and outdoorsy than we think we are. :)

Marge said...

I recently read somewhere that he lives or has a house in SF! You must investigate...

Towski said...

That's not a bowtie he's wearing. It's the pinwheel on the stick up his ass.

Anonymous said...

i've actually got dinner plans with tucker, chuck heston and pat buchanan on the 25th

Spots said...

Ironically, I've always loved Canadians...

JDC said...

As a Canadian, I can say we are aliens moving about undetected. But not to worry, remember, we're Canadians. All this sneaking around is just to get the best hockey tickets in places like Tampa, LA, San Jose, Miami and Charlotte.

If you see someone in flannel socks in the summer. That's us.

Dig that photo of him witht he shaddowy lighting. Kind of looks like a picture of someone that is developed as part of a memorial.