My never ending fascination with and hatred of Jonathan “Don’t Hyphenate Me Last Name” Rhys Meyers prompted me to e-mail The Lads and inquire as to his sexuality, claims to be Irish and obvious lack of acting ability. Positive I’d get a response along the lines of, “Oh, yah. Me cousin David fucked him in the toilet three years ago” I sent the following e-mail:
I have a question regarding one of your countrymen.
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers...gay? He strikes me as a big, flaming queen although Zoe violently disagrees with me. Also, I don't think he's really Irish. I think he's from Detroit or Houston and is faking it. I'd like your thoughts...
Speaking of which, have you seen the Collin Farrell sex tape? I have. It's glorious.
To which I received the following response from Greg:
I dunno if he’s homo, I don’t think so. I reckon he’s bad ass enough! He was permanently expelled from school when he was 16, never went back, I don't think, and now look at him. Compare that to Colin Farrell...he was a pussy growing up and that, Miss Spotswood is FACT! Friend of a friend grew up with him. He used to be the goalkeeper for the local team, his dad was the trainer, and he was supposedly not much fun at all...scoop! He was also a professional line dancer too when that fad hit the island...minus 3 Fonzy cool points again! Oh and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers isn’t his real name, it was Johnny Murphy...common as muck you say?
Indeed. Yes. Quite. Hmmm...
But in conclusion:
Johnny Murphy = badass
Colin Farrell = goalkeeper
There you have it. Directly from one of the Commitments. What I find most interesting, aside from the fact that Jonathan pulled Rhys Meyers out of his ass and is now all prickly about hyphenation, is that apparently, being a goalkeeper makes one a pussy…