While suffering through Richard Lewis’ opening acts, my brother and I were suddenly blown away. While most abhor my taste in music, movies and television, I know comedy. And some tattooed Buddy Holly was killing. “Who is this guy?”
“I have no idea. He’s fucking hilarious.”
“This is like, the greatest act I’ve seen in my life.”
“Holy shit. I hurt from laughter.”
“I ache from the genius.”
“We have to find out who this guy is.”
The guy was Jacob Sirof, and he’s today’s celebrity interview.
Spots: What’s your favorite thing about me?
Jacob: You like ME.
Spots: What’s your favorite thing about Gavin Newsom?
Jacob: The fact that he's a democrat, yet during the mayoral race, he was portrayed as some kind of Neo-Nazzi by the uber-left SF media. All you heard was how heroic Matt Gonzales (Green Party) was, while Gavin was lumped in with W, Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, and the like. I just assumed that he was a Republican, and was shocked to find out that he's actually a liberal! Only in San Francisco.... He also has an AMAZING voice. After his term(s) as mayor, a huge career in cartoon voice-over work awaits him. I guess that's two things....
Spots: If you were a hobo, what would your hobo sign say?
Jacob: I am a Jew, and therefore would NEVER be a hobo. However, I can tell you about my favorite actual hobo sign. In truth, it wasn't really a sign, so much as a catch-phrase. I was standing outside of Cobb's Comedy Club in SF, and a man asked me if I could "make a donation to the United Negro Fried Chicken Fund!" Yesss!!! So rad!!! Now, as a rule, I never give money to panhandlers -- not even change. This guy made me laugh out loud, however, and that's more than I can say for most of the comics I know. After I composed myself, I chased him down the street and gave him a crispy new one dollar bill. What can I say? I'm a Closet Philanthropist!
Spots: Which comedian is the biggest asshole and why?
Jacob: Wow. I'd have to say my wife, fellow comic Sherry Sirof, because she only gives me ANAL during the High Holidays. (You didn't really expect an honest answer, did you? Because I'm not nearly successful enough to give you one.)
Spots: This from someone who’s got a photo of himself with Gilbert Gottfried on his MySpace. What is your favorite joke of all time?
Jacob: See question ..3.
Spots: Describe your perfect celebrity dream date.
Jacob: Natalie Portman shows up at my house with Kung Pao Chicken. We eat. We fuck. She leaves.
Spots: When people heckle you, what do they most often yell?
Jacob: "Hey, Christ-killer, admit the Holocaust never happened, or get off the stage!!!" San Francisco's a rough comedy town, Beth.
Spots: If you had to pick a stage name, what would you pick?
Jacob: L. Ron Hubbard. Name somebody funnier. You can't. (Seriously, I'm kind of obsessed.)
Spots: Which Golden Girl is your favorite and why?
Jacob: Emmy. You know, that winged chick holding the globe from the statuette. Why? Because what I really want to do is be a Hip-Hop Super-Producer. Watch your back, Timbaland!
Spots: That one went over my head. Do you have anything to promote and do I get any of it free?
Jacob: My comedy, and you just did.
You can see Jacob all this weekend at some place called Rooster T. Feathers in Sunnyvale, which sounds to me like the kind of place Scott Peterson hung out…