Wednesday, November 30, 2005

pull out your hankies...

So, I think we all know what I did last night at 10.
Uh, hello? It’s Barbara Walters 10 Most Fascinating People of 2005. Sadly, I was number 11 and my fascinating interview didn’t make it to air. Luckily, my voice cannot be silenced and I shall leave you selected excerpts of my interview with Babs:

(fountained courtyard of random Ian Schrager hotel, Barbara in something from St. John’s 1984 resort collection, Beth sitting opposite her in highly dramatic chiffon and diamonds, a la Elizabeth Taylor/Diana Ross/Elton John.)

Barbara (insert speech impediment): Tell me, Beth. Are you surprised to be chosen as one of my Most Fascinating People of 2005?

Beth: Frankly, Barbara, no. I’ve been waiting for this moment since that suit debuted. It’s about fucking time so let’s get the show on the road. Make me cry, old lady. I dare you.

Barbara: Ha! There’s that biting wit that’s come to offend and confuse so many. Rumor has it, you’re poor. What’s that like?

Beth: It sucks. Worse, I have very expensive taste. I only pay retail. Anything else is embarrassing. Have you met Gavin?

Barbara: Are you referring to the Mayor of San Francisco?

Beth: What? I didn’t understand a word of that.

Barbara: What does Beth do to unwind? How does Beth relax? What makes Beth smile?

Beth: Not speaking in the third person. Oh Babs, I’m just fucking with you. Um, I unwind by going to cheesy gay clubs by myself on Sunday afternoons and dancing like I know what I’m doing. I also enjoy Marathon Monday’s of the West Wing on Bravo and selected episodes of Dog, Bounty Hunter.

Barbara: You’re really quite a fan of television. If you were to select my list for Most Fascinating People of 2005, whom would you pick?

Beth: Good question. I’m way ahead of you.

10: Tara Reid
9: Joe Simpson
8: Kate Moss
7: Paris Lastis
6: Clay Aiken
5: K-Fed
4: Anna Ayala, the Wendy’s finger chili lady
3: Barbara Bush
2: Margaret Perrin
1: Joaquin Pheonix


Towski said...

I forgot to inform you. I have decreed that Joe Simpson can only be referred to as Creepy Joe from this point forward.

And did you know that Paris Hilton's family referred to Paris Lastis as "Mr. Paris". The wit of that family is mind-boggling.

PS: I'm not actually gay. I am simply a voracious reader with a live in girlfriend who has an US Weekly addiction. I swear.


Your Dedicated Fanboy

Spots said...

Fanboy, you rock my world.

Lots of homos have live-in girlfriends. However, very few of them have blogs dedicated solely to some random football team I've never heard of. Also, US Weekly vs. In Touch...tough call.

Towski said...

In Touch is good, but I'm patterning our lives after Stars - They're Just Like Us.

And I realized the blog had gotten a bit, um, sports losery. I've noticed a slight uptick in readership since I dedicated it to parties with my gay friends and Evite.

Who knew?

roomie said...

duh, in touch is 1.99. us weekly, 3.49. you do the math.

Spots said...

This is why we live together...

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