Monday, November 28, 2005

please don't sue me...

Berkeleyist e-mailed me today wondering if Gavin and Kimberly spent Thanksgiving together. Uh, no. Of course they didn’t. Why would my genius boyfriend go and do a stupid thing like that. I’m pretty sure this is what each of them did last Thursday:

Gavin’s Thanksgiving Schedule:

7am-8am: Hair styling
8am-9am: Apparel selection and application of custom fragrance
9am-12noon: Food shelter photo ops and hobo outreach
12noon-1pm: Appearance at Vegan Thanksgiving Block Party in Bernal Heights
1pm-1:02pm: Obligatory holiday call to Kimberly
1:02pm-1:10pm: Making fun of obligatory phone call with friends
1:10pm-2pm: Afternoon cocktails at City Tavern
2pm-5pm: Thanksgiving with well-dressed family members in Pacific Heights.
5pm-5:30pm: Cocktails in servant’s quarters with household help
5:30pm-6pm: Evening apparel selection
6pm-7pm: Hair re-styling
7pm-11pm: Trendy Urban Thanksgiving dinner party with 12-15 friends including lots of discussion on foreign policy, feminist authors, new organic restaurants and my blog
11pm-11:30pm: Reading of my blog
11:30pm-12midnight: Prayer and Meditation

Kimberly’s Thanksgiving Schedule:

12noon-1pm: Waking up hungover and alone
1pm-1:02pm: Pathetic, desperate phone call with ex-husband
1:02pm-2pm: Regret of Vanity Fair Photo Shoot
2pm-4pm: Secret visit with plastic surgeon
4pm-5pm: Pretending not to see beggars
5pm-6pm: Weekly reading of In Touch Magazine
6pm-9pm: Chinese food with Bobby Trendy and Marla Maples
9pm-12midnight: Pinot Grigio in lobby of Waldorf while gold-digging
12midnight-3am: Drunken table dancing at Bungalow 8 with people who think she’s Kimberly Stewart
3am-4am: Allowing bus boy to grope her in exchange for cab fare


Anonymous said...

This is genius on so many levels but I think the greatest dig is the Pinot Grigio. That's just plain brilliant.

Anonymous said...

You know we were wondering what has happened to the former Mrs. Gavin? It seems the divorce went down just about the same time she stopped appearing on all the cable news shows... what gives? Seems terribly ironic if they got divorced because she was spending all her time on the east coast doing the TV thing, and then she gets canned because she's no longer married to the hottie mayor!

Anonymous said...

This is pretty much the funniest thing I've ever read in my life.

Anonymous said...

"hobo outreach." That is priceless.

Just discovered your blog and reading through entries. This one's genius.

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