Monday, November 28, 2005

noooooo...

Talan and Kimbitchly have called off their engagement.
Hold on. I need to pick my jaw up off the floor. I’m so shocked, I can barely believe I CALLED IT 2 WEEKS AGO.
Far more upsetting to my universe is the split of Nick and Jessica. I hate to admit it, but I kinda liked them.
Especially him.
Okay. Only him.
As I stood in line at Safeway (unwittingly overdrawing my account) I stared at their faces splashed across magazine covers and wondered if it was all worth it. I mean, they both possessed dwindling careers until MTV came along and offered them the devil’s contract. Would you agree to let cameras into your home so that your foibles could be edited into entertainment for bored Americans provided that it made you an appallingly huge star yet ruined your relationship with the one person that was able to tolerate your stupidity?
Fuck yes…

5 comments:

Towski said...

Your actual quote...

"My sadly educated guess on the length of this "relationship", (and really, I doubt they even know each other's last names) is past Thanksgiving but no where near Christmas."

That, girl, is why you are a genius...

My personal speculation on events? He took her home for thanksgiving, and his parents, who remember, named him "talon", decided she was too effed up, even for laguna...

Spots said...

I could start my own psyhic hotline, based not on the lives of my callers, but only on the celebrities whom they adore.

My next prediction: (this is a risky one) A temporary reunion between Nick and Jessica. I know, I know. It's the last thing we all want. I've just got this feeling. I can see the cover of US now...

Towski said...

There is no chance. Nick had to flee, to escape the controlling, breast commenting, and altogether creepy papa joe.

Besides, the real reason for the breakup is Jess's jackass threesome with Knoxville and Bam, and what man can return to the scene of that crime?

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