I have a friend that fancies herself “Satan.” She’ll gladly encourage you to have one more round, add extra cheese to a burger or sleep with the bartender. This is a great friend to have, because you know that you really want that drink, that extra cheese and that sex, you’re just too chicken to admit it.
Well, the tables have turned because dear “Satan” doesn’t know who she’s dealing with. After an afternoon of excessive drinking, I forced “Satan” into discussing her work crush at length, drafted a flirty yet professional e-mail on the back of a Safeway receipt and then made her send it.
In a perfect world, I’d have the confidence to be this charmingly forward myself, spouting off saucy missives and calling up old flames in the spirit of which I encourage “Satan.” But I only possess this gift when perfecting the love lives of close friends.
Work crush and “Satan” are having lunch next week.
Thus, dear readers, I offer you my services. Need to send a witty e-mail? Got a big date? Still obsessing about that ex? Well, obsess no further. I’m your gal. For the small fee of being able to live vicariously through you, I will draft any number of adorable pieces of correspondence to whomever you wish.
Seriously. Ask “Satan.” I’ve got mad skills…