Wednesday, September 28, 2005

so bad, it's good...

I’ve got the same problems with mass globalization as everyone else. Everyone hates Starbucks, right? I mean, they’ve forced Frappuchino’s on indigenous tribal people, they’ll open up across the street from Carl’s Coffee Corner, putting old Carl out of business and they won’t donate to any of my events. However, I think the hippies are underestimating the benefits.
On occasion, I’ve been trapped deep within some third world country, presented with raw egg and fried grasshoppers. Suddenly, at the very moment I desperately need a taste of home, through the mist I’ll spot that green mermaid chick and pick up the familiar scent of baked goods. Even better, this morning, I stopped by my beloved local Starbucks and gave into starvation, purchasing a low fat cranberry muffin.
I then sat at my desk, weighed down by baked goods and guilt. I logged onto the Starbucks website, hoping for detailed nutritional information. While they provide tons of caloric details (a Venti Coffee Frappuchino Light has 200 calories, Zoe), no low fat food info is available. However, if you read the fine print, there’s a phone number!
I called the number.
Not only did I get a live, actual person, he was a gay! To further my delight, the low fat cranberry apple muffin, only available in Mill Valley, contains a mere 170 calories. Thank fucking God. I mean Starbucks. Oh, wait. Same thing…

4 comments:

laura said...

I couldn't agree more. God bless Starbucks! My sister was a loyal Starbucks employee for two summers, and has nothing but good things to say about the experience. When I went to visit her in London there was no other coffee I deemed drinkable.

One thing you should know. On the rare occasion that a Starbucks barista messes up your drink, you should make them redo it and then demand a free drink coupon. They have millions of them and basically horde them to give out to their friends and relatives.

Elliot said...

We have terrific coffe all over Australia long before Starbucks arrived on our shores and it has
found it difficult fitting in (what with its tinsel wig and invisible pet).

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