Thursday, September 29, 2005

pumpkin...

Zoe and I have been scheming and have decided to throw the event of the season. What season, you ask? Halloween! We’re actually pretty good at the spooky shindigs, throwing Dani a surprise costume party a few years back to great success. We’re both masters of themed food and ambiance, and you’d think we’d be experts at costumes. I mean, not only is this what I essentially majored in, it was my profession. Still, I’m stumped as to my ensemble.
In grammar school, I always found myself digging around my parent’s closet on October 30th, trying to find some sort of make-shift costume to throw together. My mother would attempt to feign enthusiasm, giving me an apron and a wooden spoon. “You’re a chef!”
Quelle horreur.
One year, in the throws of puberty, self loathing and constant humiliation, I chose to wear a spandex unitard, a tinsel rainbow wig, Velcro Reebok high tops and this wire and rope contraption purchased in Disneyworld which made it look like one was walking an invisible dog. If that wasn’t horrible enough, I remember sitting alone on the bench during the costume parade, embarrassed into a rare silence and solitude. I watched a co-ed group of the 6 or 7 cool kids in my class of 28 people, a group whose collective ass I so desperately kissed, as they paraded by me costumed as the characters from the Wizard of Oz. In retrospect, they were highly unoriginal and didn’t even have amongst them a Wicked Witch of the West. Hello? But still, nothing punctuated my embarrassingly loneliness more than watching people in recognizable group costumes laughing and throwing SweetTarts at me. I mean, I think it’s safe to say that no one else had a tinsel rainbow wig and an $8 invisible dog.
Thus, this year, I don’t care what I am or who I’m with, so long as I’m dressed to correspond with others. This is the only way to remedy my childhood trauma and it’s MY goddamn party. Laura and I were thinking of going as the Cast of Adventures in Babysitting. I call Brenda. She’s called Sarah. I am open to additional cast members and additional ideas, of course.
Oh, and if any of you bitches comes to my Halloween party in a spandex unitard, shiny ass wig and shitty novelty item, your ass is grass…

10 comments:

laura said...

"Thus, this year, I don’t care what I am or who I’m with, so long as I’m dressed to correspond with others."

I feel so honored.

Spots said...

You should! I've already recruited the hobo that lives beneath the taco truck to be Mike Todwell...

laura said...

P.S. Your prolific blogging is putting me to shame. Last night I left Leslie's at the early hour of 9pm. I gave the embarassing excuse that I had to go home and write a blog. When I returned home I immediately fell asleep.

Just know, even though I haven't written much this week, I am stressing about not having written much. In my book that's better than nothing.

Anonymous said...

Uh, I wanna dress up as part of the group...otherwise im wearing that superhero costume i wore around my parents house last year...and really i shouldn't wear that in public.

can I be thor?
KG

sassycountrylass said...

I have a question for Spots. Was it a stabbing hobo or a singing hobo?

Oh, and Laura: don't feel bad about not updating your blog. To pick up the slack, I've decided to start posting (in your name) long, rambling, anti-semitic diatribes explaining the terrifying connection between Hurricane Rita, the UN Security Council, and old Green Lantern comic books. It'll be rant-a-riffic!

Spots said...

Actually, Sassycountrylass, it was a Boxcar Willie. And as per your second comment to Laura, you forgot to throw Ellen DeGeneres in there. Everything's her fault.

I'm glad to know that everyone is taking the Halloween party so seriously. Yes, Katherine, you can be Vincent D'however you spell it. I'm considering ditching the Adventures in Babysitting concept for something more abstract. Let's go as the Surreal Life. I call Janice! Also, I'm torn between the funny vs. slutty costume debate. Aw, who'm I kidding. Dressing like a slut wouldn't really count as a costume for most of us...

Dancing Queen said...

Are we talking this season's Surreal Life, because if we can go back a couple of seasons, I call Charo!

Spots said...

Well, DQ, that all depends on the cleverness of your evite rsvp. And I'd like to point out, I think I've won that award with last year's response of: "Trick or treat, smell my feet. I hope there are cute boys to meet."
Maybe we could go as celebs we'd LIKE to see on Surreal Life, in which case, I call Cher...

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