Monday, September 26, 2005

i wonder what his safe word was...

Ryan and I make frequent pilgrimages to Liverpool Lil’s maintaining a tradition started by our late grandparents. Typically, we’ll meet early for cocktails and begin a tab, our folks joining us later on for a big dinner, and Ryan and I staying to close the place. Ryan and I settled into a little booth and began drinking. Soon, two little old ladies entered the packed bar and nervously looked around with no where to sit.
Ryan leaned over. “We should give them our seats.”
“Ugh, okay.” I said as I looked up at them. I forced a smile and said, “Please sit here. We insist. Sit, sit, sit!”
With that, we got up and went to the bar, half the bar staff thanking me profusely. “Oh, god. That was so nice of you” each of them said, looking only at me. Ryan was pissed. “Jesus. You get credit for everything. It was my fucking idea, and I’m the asshole.”
I guess it sucks to be Ryan.
The four parents soon arrived and as we sat down at our table, Ryan’s step-mom, Nancy hands me two tickets from the Folsom Street Fair. “We thought you’d get a kick out of these.”
“I was there today! Oh my god, I was there this afternoon.” I screamed.
Mom looked confused. “What’s the Folsom Street Fair?”
“It’s a fetish and leather and S & M fair.” Nancy filled her in. “Tom and I went and Tom got flogged.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Ryan grunted.
Apparently, the well-dressed and middle-aged Tom and Nancy stood out amongst the leather daddies and naked gays. Thus, a group began chanting at them and Tom found himself with no choice but to step up to the whipping pole, remove his shirt and get flogged by some beefy woman.
I found this fabulous, although I think Ryan was ready to kill himself. “I just don’t understand why they were there in the first place. What the fuck were they doing at Folsom?” he whined, as we enjoyed after dinner drinks.
“I think it’s awesome. My parents would completely freak out at a photo from Folsom, much less ever attend. They’re open minded and non-judgmental, Ryan. Relax.”
“Don’t tell me to relax, Elizabeth. Your dad wasn’t getting the shit flogged out of him in front of a chanting crowd of gimps.”
“And he liked it, Ryan. He liked it a lot…”

2 comments:

ykw... said...

Once again, my dear, you made me chuckle, particularly with the title. Just between you and me, I know that this week has been a long and tough one. Hang in there, sweetheart. I will always be here to pick you up, take you out and bring you cheesecake...

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