spoiler...

Because my life is very glamorous and exciting, I spent last night cleaning my house and watching High Crimes, starring Ashley Judd and Morgan Freeman. It’s been written many times the world over, but it’s got to be said once more; No one plays a wife done wrong escaping from murderers in the midst of confusing conspiracy better that Ashley Judd. Torn between her womanly obligations and kung fu skills, she’s perfected the look of determination under military pressure. You’d think it would disgust me. It doesn’t. I love High Crimes. I love Kiss the Girls. I love Double Jeopardy.
In High Crimes, we follow Ashley as she discovers her hot Marine husband is being charged with capital war crimes he claims he didn’t commit, framed by high ranking generals and their one-eyed flunkie. Enlisting the help of “wild card” former military lawyer Morgan Freeman, Ashley, a lawyer herself, decides to defend her husband from the evil, conniving military who will do anything to cover up a massacre in El Salvador, a massacre they claimed her husband orchestrated.
Needless to say, all of the important eye witnesses have died under mysterious circumstances and Ashley is constantly finding herself in peril, thwarting break-ins and dramatic murder attempts, at one point finding undercover Marines spraying down her SUV with oil and running her off the road into the ever present water. Ashley Judd never JUST crashes her car. It always ends up in water from which she must escape. Also, in an uncomfortable constant secondary theme, we’re forced to shift in our seats watching poorly scripted sexual tension between our heroine and the geriatric Morgan Freeman.
Zoe, the roommate with a life, came home just at the end and was informed, “I’m watching High Crimes and I’m VERY invested.”
Wise woman that she is, Zoe hid in the kitchen until I emerged from the living room, in disgusted glee at the cheesiness of High Crimes. I’d worry about ruining the movie, but it’s beyond predictable. Turns out, Ashley’s bastard husband committed the heinous high crimes after all (duh) and we find this out in the last 2 seconds in which she escapes one last time, saved by the lone El Salvadorian survivor of the massacre.
Fabulous…