Wednesday, July 13, 2005

going with the flo...

Last night, I swung by my neighborhood Cala Foods (the ghetto one on S. Van Ness). After filling my little basket with coffee and lettuce, I stood in the Express Lane and waited my turn. I was a tad on edge as it was, concerned I’d be caught with more than 9 items, but that was the least of my problems.
My checker was a middle aged, white trash woman, one of those gals that’s probably 50, but looks a good 65. She had appallingly bright make-up and big ratted blonde hair with pencils sticking out of it, a la Flo. Her Cala apron was affixed with all sorts of flare, including her nametag which proclaimed she’d survived “35 years of service.”
In between each customer, she’d delegate to her fellow employees, instructing one to assist at the Coinstar machine and another to sweep up produce debris. I found this highly annoying as I really just wanted to purchase my items and split before my car was stolen or my handbag snatched.
It was finally my turn to be rung up, but needless to say, dear Flo had to instruct some rookie in another task before acknowledging me. She screamed across the store to some girl, “Did you go through the entire parking lot and get all the shopping carts?”
“Si.”
“You mean to tell me you walked around the whole lot and all you come back with is 3 carts? The whole lot?
I just stood there, amazed that I had to wait through this bizarre, scene causing display before I was allowed to buy my crap.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me!”
Uh, oh my god. I thought she was talking to me. She wasn’t. She was screaming at the poor girl, pushing her 3 carts and apparently rolling her eyes. The entire store stopped, stunned into dead silence by Flo, who was completely unconcerned with her immense lack of professionalism. I mean, after 35 years, you’d think she’d know better than to make everyone completely uncomfortable with her bizarre tirade. Isn’t this better left to the break room?
Apparently not.
Flo wasn’t done. She continued screaming.
“I’m not the boss for nothing. I can see you rolling your eyes at me! Right across all these checkers, I see you rolling those eyes at me! Don’t think I don’t see that. Don’t disrespect me on my shift. Rolling you eyes at me? I don’t think so.”
The entire grocery store was filled with complete silence and frozen customers. I think half of them thought she was yelling at me, I was so directly in her line of fire.
Flo then nonchalantly turns to me, smiles, and begins swiping my groceries.
Shaking, I smiled back and said, “I’m almost afraid to tell you this, but I forgot my Cala Club card…”

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Swoon! Swoon! Also, I like the new links. Add more!

You know, I find you very intellectually stimulating.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

You're going out tonight, aren't you? I knew it! I want in.
Location and time, please.