Because I couldn’t find a radio station playing any music this morning, I listened to the news. It seems, everyone’s talking about medical marijuana, and while I don’t talk politics on the blog, I’ve got a good government weed story.
I used to live with a wonderful man named Pip who is HIV positive. Pip, residing in the city and county of San Francisco, enjoyed prescriptions for a variety of marijuana infused items. One evening, Andy came over, the three of us popped in some old movies, made some snacks, sat on the floor of our living room and sampled Pip’s array. Here’s what I can report:
Pip pulled out these little plastic bottles of milk. “Milk?” we screamed, shocked and surprised not to see cookies or brownies.
“Girls, you just wait. It doesn’t even taste like milk. I call it my magic milk.”
“Magic milk!” yelled Andy, grabbing for the plastic bottle. “Bitch, pass me that shit.”
Andy took a chug of the milk and instantly gagged. Not wanting to waste good drugs, he choked it down. But I could tell from the look on his face, it wasn’t pleasant.
“Pip, you ass. That was fucking foul.” Said Andy, wiping away tears as he took another sip.
“You just wait 2 minutes, girl. Pass my milk to Miss Beth.”
“Oh no.” I cringed. “I don’t think I want any of your magic milk.”
Pip rolled his eyes. “Oh relax. It’s not that bad. It’ll be worth it, honey. I just love my magic milk, and you know I’m a picky old queen.”
Andy, one of the more experienced stoners alive, suddenly piped up. “Uh, I think it’s starting to work.”
I looked at Andy. He appeared fine. I mean, he certainly wasn’t clutching his stomach in agony, writhing on the ground or foaming at the mouth. He was giggling and laughing, offering me that tiny plastic container of “milk” with a very official looking prescription stuck to it. I took a tiny sip. You know what? It tastes like Milk of Magnesia. I took another sip. It really wasn’t so bad.
Thirty minutes later, we were clad in wigs and feather boas, in full Kabuki make-up and drag queen shoes. As we swung from the chandeliers and slid along the linoleum, it occurred to me that I was feeling the effects of highly controversial medicinal marijuana products for AIDS patients. And it was awesome…