As I returned home from the play last weekend, I stopped at Whole Foods to pick up something for dinner. Exhausted, dirty and in no mood, I was of course trapped in line behind the woman who needed $100 cash back and the cashier who found this incredibly complicated. The cashier, entirely flustered and highly incompetent, ran around the store madly in some incomprehensible attempt to procure 5 $20 bills. I simply stood there, loudly exhaling and wondering if Whole Foods was a grocery store or a fucking bank. I became even angrier that the $100 cash back lady refused to make eye contact with me, shrugging no shoulders or offering no rolling of the eyes in annoyed solidarity. Hours later, the transaction was finally completed. But my god.
Today, Kristin and I decided to head to Whole Foods for lunch and I was delighted to discover that the appallingly expensive water I’m obsessed with (Penta Water…mmmmm) was on sale. A case was selling for a mere $29.99. This is a huge bargain, as it’s normally $45. So I make my little salad, grab my little falafel sandwich, and hoist a case of water up to the cashier stand. The water rings up for $45. Shit.
I have now become $100 cash back lady, as my cashier wildly runs around the store in an attempt to verify my insistence of sale. The line of people behind me, in the express lane at that, begin loudly exhaling and wondering what’s so fucking great about $30 water. I debated apologizing to my line but, like it always does, karma has arrived to bite me in the ass, and I chicken out. I now know exactly how the $100 cash back lady felt, simply needing to complete some stupid errand and finding herself the unwitting victim of an angry mob.
As I stood there, avoiding eye contact and wishing myself invisible, I wondered if $100 cash back lady had been annoyed by something similar immediately prior to her holding up me and my line last weekend. I wondered if somehow this is a perpetual cycle of inconvenience and if the woman who was currently so painfully breathing down my neck would soon find herself trying to buy some porchini mushrooms and hold up the line because the cashier just can’t find the code to ring them up. I wonder if when that happens, she’ll stand there, avoiding eye contact with the rest of the line, and she’ll think of me and my Penta water.
My cashier finally returned, rang up my salad, falafel sandwich and $29.99 water, and I was on my way. The sandwich sucked, but that water...well, that water was well worth it…