Wednesday, May 18, 2005

you drive me crazy...

One of life’s great dilemmas is whether or not to stare at a crazy person screaming in the middle of the street. At least it is for me. There are pros and cons to doing this and I find that I waste time time trying to decide when really, I’m missing a great show.
If you stare at said crazy, you risk being dragged into the melee. This can be not only embarrassing, but dangerous. However, if you find a vantage point at which to watch safely and anonymously, the sky is the limit in terms of unique entertainment.
Have you noticed the gentleman in front of Anthropoligie in downtown San Francisco, announcing the many benefits of chastity- in women? Men can fuck whomever they like, but us gals go straight to hell the second we give it up. He’s got some very detailed signage, which I’m always tempted to read. Alas, I don’t want to get to close. I would have to walk into his little area, opening myself up (as it were) to a discussion with this nut. None the less, I bet it’s some pretty amusing prose. I’ve always been tempted to stand right next to him and pass out condoms.
There’s also Millie, a woman of questionable residence who hangs out at Capp’s and will take your Polaroid for $5. Millie is a character, to say the least, and interaction with her is usually harmless. I have seen her get a tad racist, however, and that always leads to trouble. I find it’s best to divert her attention somewhere else, perhaps by throwing an object or stomping on the floor. Movement and sound tend to set her off even more than minorities.
Finally, my current favorite is the gentleman who runs along Van Ness Avenue giving everyone the middle finger. He has long, wild hair to which he’s affixed 2 red streamers which flow freely as he visually and verbally expresses himself to those driving along. Sometimes, he pretends that his index fingers are machine guns and makes the requisite sound effects as he imagines himself on a shooting spree. His enthusiasm is contagious and I can only dream about the infinite joy an actual conversation with him would bring me.
I’d like to get all three of them together and have a dinner party…


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

hi bethie,
excellent blurb. when I was in college my ex-girlfriend and I
had this lesbo couple take our pic with the no sex guy in
front of the powell st turnaround. also you are missing the
most important crazy/famous guy in the city frank chu.
he is an institution and everyone who has every worked or
goes downtown/financial district on a regular basis knows

Spots said...

Uh yeah. I know. Everyone knows about Frank Chu. But he's not crazy. What are you talking about?

Anonymous said...

Frank is boring. There are two new ones here I shall seek out immediately. Thank you, Beth. I love you.

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work » »