This guy just called the office and for reasons it will take too long to explain, started crying. So I e-mailed Big Chris because I was all sad that some old man cried his eyes out to me on the phone. He responded with the ridiculous, “I haven’t cried since 1989.” Bullshit. Not even at the movies?
Not even at the movies.
Come on! Guys cry at the movies all the time. I know it. So, I immediately contacted all of the straight men I could get ahold of within a half an hour and here’s what I’ve got.
Big Chris is an emotionless robot and hasn’t cried since he was 12.
Jason cried at Big Fish, Life as a House, My Life, Brian’s Song and Wit. Even thinking about Saving Private Ryan has him in hysterics at his desk.
Ben cried at Rocky. He’s claiming that he always cries at Rocky. I should point out that at lunch, I was nearly mauled to death by a pit bull, and Ben’s reaction was to laugh so hard that he had to take a moment and actually sit on the curb. He’s spent the past hour at work re-enacting my response to near death for the entire office. So, he’s obviously heartless and soul-less.
Marc doesn’t cry at movies. He cries at Indian music. Freak.
Alex cried at Field of Dreams and at Shawshank Redemption, but only when Brooks died.
My father completely lost it at the end of Cinema Paradiso. But he also cried when I graduated 8th grade. However, I should not talk. I cry at Nickelback…