how big chris met his wife...

Have you ever stumbled across a website that is somehow so wonderful, it takes up your whole day? Well, my co-worker, Ben, and I have come across our new favorite obsession.
www.writeaprisoner.com
We are now unable to do anything else, screaming prisoner poetry across the office at each other and howling at the bizarre collection of personal ads. Each personal ad contains a chart of information at the bottom, with such nuggets of background such as type of crime(s), date of earliest parole, and astrological sign. You can do a search by state, by death row status, by hobbies…it’s amazing!
Here are some highlights:
“Tired of not knowing where your woman is at night? I’m here!” –Jill
“Greetings, I’m in search of a big bones goddess who’s seeking a strong black male.” –Fitzroy
And our favorite poem by a convicted murderer:

“Sometimes I’m happy; sometimes I’m sad;
Sometimes I’m right in the middle.
Usually I’m healthy; every once in a while I’m sick.
Sometimes I love smart comedy; sometimes I’m not in the mood.
Sometimes I feel boringly sane; sometimes dangerously crazy.”

All of a sudden, Ben goes, “It sounds like that guy gets raped a lot.”

Now, of course, I’m past the point of finding this highly entertaining, which it is, and at the point of wanting to write one of them. I figure if I write to someone on death row, they can’t get paroled and come kill me. Although, I bet they have friends on the outside that could. I can just see a tiny little jail cell filled with pictures of my friends and I out at bars, my letters on the engraved stationary my grandmother gave me pinned to the wall and a small framed Polaroid of us together taken during my first visit to the “Friends and Family” room.
Immediately, I e-mailed Big Chris with my discovery.

“that website was totally awesome. second of all you've lost your
fucking mind. I am not writing to a prisoner. I hate to say this
but again a double standard exists with women not getting
the same kind of street cred that men get after doing a stretch
in the pen. also I'm going to have to say that convicted felons
aren't my type…”