Wednesday, February 02, 2005

things i find funny...

The gals in the office got in a huge fight the other day over Hugh Jackman. I hate him. Margot and my boss LOVE him. And I figured it out. You know why I hate him? He's not funny. At all.
Last night, the highlight of my day was watching "Television's Most OUTRAGEOUS Live Moments" (TMOLM), which is the greatest show ever. As a child, I was obsessed with bloopers shows, and the gag reel is my favorite part of any DVD. Even at 27, I find TMOLM is genius, filled with evening news blunders and sporting mishaps from every English speaking country. Do yourself a favor and watch it.
Every day, the workers right outside our office stop at exactly noon, pull out lawn chairs and coolers, and set up a picnic in the middle of the road. Ben and I are fascinated by them, making up life histories and inter-personal relationship stories. We have grown to love everything about them, from their safety vests to their handlebar moustaches. Yesterday, Ben and I hatched a plan that next week, we'd bring our own lawn chairs and coolers, wait till noon and then walk right over there, set up shop, and make some new friends.
And finally, I have many, many funny friends. But Big Chris wins the "cracking me up at my desk" award for the day. His ability to compile lists on all subjects, the most hilarious being all the men I've ever dated, once had me spit water all over my computer. This is what I received today:

so I'm sitting on a the couch between you and zoe and
this skank is walking to the bathroom and stops on the
ramp and starts smiling at me and checking me out.
you observe what is going on get fucking furious and
start going off about how does this bitch know we're
not together, girls can't pick up on me when we're out,
and how in the future all girls I date/hook up must have
the beth seal of approval. also the next night I'm pretty
sure I told kelsey an exaggerated version of the previous
evenings events where you went crazy and I was basically
restraining you and you're yelling at girl for smiling at me.
all in all its good of you to look out for my best interests.

I have absolutely no recollection of this, but I'm pretty sure it's true. I think it's safe to say that any skank Big Chris dates will never have my seal of approval because how could I approve someone whose thong is visible, can't spell, and doesn't vote.
He might be offensive to everyone he meets, he might call my best friend a "Queer Bag" to his face, he might make fun of every detail of my personal life, but goddamn it, Big Chris is the funniest 8 foot tall straight Filipino I know.


Anonymous said...

thank you beth you make me look like an obnoxious asshole.
every bog you've written about me makes me look either
racist, sexist, or homophobic in other words a republican.
on the bright side at least I appear funny and good looking so I've
got that going for me which is nice.

Anonymous said...

also most of the girls I date can
spell, don't wear underwear, and are too young to vote.

Itty said...


Anonymous said...

I have never found Beth's writing to resemble wet, spongy ground. Her liver? Who knows.


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