I've just come from hanging out at Andy's, helping him
decorate his studio apartment into a tacky,
Midwestern, Jesus-less, gay, Winter Wonderland. Andy
lives on the roof of an apartment building, in what's
basically a one room, windowed, box overlooking the
entire city. His place is right in the middle of the
roof, guests having to actually walk on the roof to
reach his front door. It's quite cool, and Andy has
the run of the "4th floor". He's always decorated for
every possible holiday, but this year, he wants to
take full advantage of his unique situation. As we're
hanging lights and placing the various snowman
figurines and wooden reindeer in their appropriate
places, a light bulb suddenly appears over Andy's
"I have a brilliant idea right now but neither the
motivation nor the resources to execute it. I want to
turn the exterior of my apartment into a gingerbread
house. If I still did speed, I'd be cutting up those
cardboard boxes into gingerbread shingles right now!
And I'd paint White Out around the edges..."
Genius. I can't wait till Andy goes out to the gay bars and comes home drunk with some trick, walking him all the way up to the 4th floor, until they emerge onto the roof to find a glittering, blinking, gingerbread house made of cardboard and white out. "Oh, yeah. I, uh, decorated the exterior of my apartment. Just call me Hansel."
Only if you call me Gretel...