Monday, December 20, 2004

the adventures of itty and spots...

Itty Bitty and I decided we needed to hit the town and have some blog-worthy adventures. We figured that if we set out with the sole purpose of having wacky experiences to write about, this crazy city would deliver. We were right.

Adventure Number One:
Joe, Itty, and I headed over to Haight Street, a mere 2 blocks from their apartment. On the way, we stopped at a convenience store. As I stood at the ATM, Joe and Itty bought some cigarettes. I’m pretty much oblivious to all that’s around me, until I hear Joe whisper/yell, “Beth!” I look at Joe across the store, and he motions with his eyes for me to look at the television mounted on the wall. With the volume on max, the convenience store owner had decided to entertain not only himself, but the entire neighborhood with an Arab soap opera, in which a blood covered man in a hospital bed appeared to be screaming his last words to his lover, brother, and/or friend. It was all in Arabic, so I couldn’t really grasp what was going on. I can tell you, it gave me the giggles.

Adventure Number Two:
While enjoying drinks at Trax, we decided to step outside for a smoke. Needless to say, the conversation turned to bitchy gossip as the three of us stood around and complained about this skank we know. Suddenly, a hobo sitting on the sidewalk starts preaching to us, “Ah, hell. Ya bunch of gossips. You like a hen party, all walking up in here, bitching about some scraggly ass bitch. She don’t like you, so get the fuck over it…” On and on, he went, rambling about how much we suck for gossiping. At this point, Robert shows up. This sends the Box Car Willie into further fits of anger. “Fuck, walking up in here with your Dharma and Greg haircut. (We think he meant Will and Grace, but when you watch your TV through the window at Circuit City, it’s hard to keep it all straight.) Look at you, all fancy in your black stretch pants…” He continued mumbling to himself as we walked back inside. I was tempted to lean over and ask, “How to you keep people from stealing your shoes while you sleep?” but thought better of it.

Adventure Number Three:
No sooner had we returned to our seats at the bar, then a Christmas Clad group of Pub Crawlers piled in. With their theme being “Tacky Christmas”, they were decked out in sequined Santa hats and appliqu├ęd sweaters. They invited us to join them, but Itty and I noted the dramatic lack of sexiness among them, and declined. Also, they were drinking Long Island Iced Teas. Uh, no thanks.

Adventure Number Four:
Joined by Janine, we stopped by both Hobson’s Choice and Martin Mack’s. Done with the Haight, Joe wanted to go meet Robert at Sugar. We left Itty and Janine, and headed over to the gay disco. Because I am a SoMa genius, we found awesome parking but were forced to stay in the car, as there was good music on and we needed to sing. (In Your Eyes, Peter Gabriel) The song ended and we were just about to go inside, but of course, we had to wait and see what the next song was. Turned out, it was “Nasty Girls.” I don’t know what came over me, but I turned the volume up, instructed Joe to stay in the car, leapt outside, and jumped on the hood. Like a cross between Tawny Kitaen in that Whitesnake video, and a really well dressed stripper, I did my dirty little dance atop that dented Civic. Rhonda the Honda will never be the same, and sadly, neither will Joe…

For another perspective on the night’s events, check out Itty’s blog: www.amandajennings.blogspot.com

4 comments:

Bonita said...

2 things....
1) I'm hoping I'm not the "skank" you guys were talking about.
2) How much wine does it take to get you to dance on the hood of your car??

Anonymous said...

Looking for 'blog worthy' adventures is sort of like bill murray in groundhog day. Sure, you're trying to recreate a great day to bang that ugly curly haired slut, but most of the time you're going to get your face slapped.

Spots said...

That doesn't make any sense. But Bill is God.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! » »