Of all my brother's friends, Lucas* is my favorite. I've known him since he was 7, when he smiles, there's a flash of light and angels sing, and I will forever think of him as the Little Drummer Boy in the Christmas pageant. Lucas is obscenely adorable, and while I regard him as an exalted family member, he's apparently quite a hit with the ladies. It's not that I'm surprised. The boy is breathtaking. It's just that I prefer to view him as innocent little Lucas, not the womanizing nymphomaniac he's become.
As Lucas regaled me with his tales of "tapping ass", I reminded him that perhaps some of these poor, disturbed girls might get a little attached, especially since he refers to girls he's already slept with as "redos". Lucas pointed out that he's very sensitive to this sad fact, and if a conquest seems to have the potential of becoming a "headache", he'll cut her loose.
"You know, Lucas," I said. "Keep in mind, if it's a headache for you, it's probably heartache for her."
Lucas found this hilarious, prompting him to turn it into his theme song.
"Headache for me, Heartache for her!"
*His name ain't Lucas, but moms read this...