Friday, October 15, 2004

what not to say...

Every night during the festival, there's at least one party. I usually go to them, and am shocked at how surprisingly cool and well attended they are. Plus, I can sneak whomever I want in, and it's been quite fun. Keith and I have been having a really good time, and as we've been spending hours and hours a day together, he's gotten to know the intimate details of my life. One of those details, the one that Keith finds most entertaining, is that at any party and any event, I'll get picked up by the biggest freak in the room.
At first he didn't believe me, but night after night, he's watched the cast of American Splendor attempt to woo me. He finds it hilarious, and I don't blame him. Were it happening to someone else, I'd find it marvelous as well. Last night was no different, and I have to say, not once, but twice, I was reminded that fate will require me to live happilly ever after with a Member's Only jacket wearing, D and D addicted, Big Gulp slurping schmuck.
At the Coldwell Banker event last night, and some shitty golf course Kiki and I now refer to as "the dump", we're standing by the bar, and this troll walks over to me and does the double eyebrow raise, as he rolls by. Keith could barely control his laughter, and said, "Holy Shit. Every time. That was so blatant. He's Carmine, the Big Ragu!"
Then, in a dramatically unchivalrous move, Kiki goes and stands with the event planner, to watch me sqirm from afar. 2 seconds later, who rolls up, but Carmine.
"When I walked in, I thought I knew you. But I don't."
"Oh." I say uncomfortably, noting his elastic waist khakis and velcro flesh toned sneakers.
"You've got to keep me away from this bar." He stammers, getting closer.
"Away from the bar? Why'd you want to go and do something stupid like that?"
"I'm a friend of Bill."
Like an idiot, I reply, "Who's Bill?"
"That means I'm in AA."
How the fuck do you respond to that? He then goes on to say that he's here with his parents, he went to Tam High with Tupac (yeah, Tupac went to high school in Mill Valley) and "Pac" apparently still owes him $800. He also gave Carmine the not-so-origonal advice, "Once you black, you never go back."
This guy goes on and on, while I glance over and notice Keith and the event planner, Clare, laughing so hysterically, Keith must actually brace himself on the wall. It was so painful, with every sentance Carmine spoke, I looked for an out to move on.
"....so I like all kinds of women. Black, white, yellow. I love women, any woman, really. Especially Brazillian women."
"Well, I'll certainly keep an eye out for you. Any Brazillians in the room? Good luck with that." And off I ran, kicking and cursing Keith, and now the entire catering staff, all of whom enjoyed my misfortune.
Keith and I snuck into a back room, to go through the next day's events and get ready to leave, both remarking at what a shithole this place was, and how, no matter how hard I bat my eyelashes at the hot boys, it's always the most terrifying creature that wants to chat me up. "We're building up to serial killer, Beth. This is awesome."
With that, a mouse scurried across the floor before us. "Time to go."
On the way out, Carmine stops me to say goodbye. As I walk away, Keith looks back, and Carmine gives him the thumbs up sign and the double eyebrow raise.
We walk outside together, Keith barely breathing he's laughing so hard. "I can't wait till tomorrow. I just can't wait. Has Manson been parolled yet?"

Tonight, I'm just going to Happy Hour at the Rafael, and then going out with regular people. But Saturday night is a huge party in a huge mansion in Ross. It's an event for all of the filmmakers, I don't have to work, I'm an actual guest, and I get to bring a date. It's going to be the most ridiculous, fabulous party, and I've been racking my brain at who to bring with me.
Now I know. He may not drink, he might dress like the elderly, he might live with the folks, but nothing gets a gal like the double eyebrow raise.
Carmine, you available?

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