Dear John Cusack,
You make me re-fall in love with you every time you speak. You make me love Chicago. You make me expect more from men. I would follow your trench tails to the ends of the earth. I would save any phone message you left me for the entirety of my life. I would totally get along with your sister.
Lloyd Dobbler changed the way I looked at the opposite sex. And really, that role in Say Anything is the greatest manifestation of your fabulousness. The best thing about Lloyd was his consistency. Lloyd was not about bullshit. He committed to Diane. He possessed focus. He wasn’t like some of the jackasses I have come to know, who seem like Lloyd at the beginning, but then turn into neglectful, cranky, disinterested jerks.
Moving on, so few can pull off sweet and cool and innocent and street-smart and vulnerable all at the same time. Lloyd had a deep simplicity, if that‘s possible. And let me tell you, it is intoxicating. But most importantly of all, John, you were the star of the most profound romantic moment in film history. I’m speaking, of course, of the “In Your Eyes” boom box scene. Each time I see it, I am overwhelmed in new and intense ways. In addition to the brilliance captured in the final cut of Say Anything, deleted scenes on the DVD reveal an even more personal and moving performance in that moment. Thank you.
To be honest, I secretly first fell for you in The Journey of Natty Gann (1985), but I could never admit, even at 7, that I loved that retarded movie. God, how I loved you in that. You were so wonderfully protective and resourceful, like a slightly hipper, younger, more brooding MacGuyver.
You seemed so fun to be around in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I just wanted to explore bizarre Southern cities with you and crash debutante balls and plantation weddings. Conveniently enough, I get along famously with drag queens as well. However, in Being John Malkovitch, all I desperately wanted was to have your hair professionally styled. I hated your hair in that movie. Never do that to me again.
High Fidelity was heaven and hell for me. Rob did not posses Lloyd’s devotion. And it is the devotion that I so adore. Rob found so many faults with every woman he encountered. It made me self conscious, and I like to think that you would love me as I am, forever and ever and ever. But Rob was super cool, and who doesn’t love a Top 5 list. I should make a Top 5 list of all the things I love about you. Top 5? Ha! Try Top 5 Million.
John, even in all too brief celluloid moments, like your moving turn as the dead older brother in Stand By Me, you were remarkable and memorable.
Your talent overwhelms me. Your constant black trench coat excites me. But most of all, your sophisticated wit and charming essence define my being. And even though, you feel the need to occasionally assault my soul, (Anastasia, Serendipity, etc.) I know you truly are the greatest living man on our fine planet.
Contact me immediately.